i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
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