It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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