She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
