It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
