he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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