You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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