seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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