I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
