I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
