chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
