i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
