So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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