I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
