It was confusing and full of hummus
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
