I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
