did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
