I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
