well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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