I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
