I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
