Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
