I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
