Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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