all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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