thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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