what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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