Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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