eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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