i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
