Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
