I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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