Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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