Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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