yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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