first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
