I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Tornado booty call.. dedication
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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