You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
