She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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