she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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