does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
