Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
