She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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