Got a toothbrush?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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