Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
