1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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