new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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