She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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