I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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