remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
