Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
