Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
