Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
