I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
