Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
