she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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