just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
