Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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