All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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