totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
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I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
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Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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