I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
