I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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