I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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