your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
