Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize