I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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