Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
