okay pat passed out under dana's car
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
