I can tuck mytits in my pants
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
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he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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