Her vagina should come with caution tape.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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