Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
