I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
