Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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