if i can run in heels then i can drive
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
