A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
