you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
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Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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