You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
