I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.