Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms