in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
