His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
