worst night to have a conscience
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize