Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
