Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
