thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
