I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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