I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
