Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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